Losing Myself
by MeredithBrody
Summary: Brody and Pride are undercover, but Brody feels like she can't keep going. (Prody)(PWP)


**So, this was originally for a completely different fic (that wasn't this pairing) but the fic went in a completely different direction. So with that, I edited it around and we got this. Sooooo. Anyway. This is mostly porn without plot. Enjoy.  
Shin xx**

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Brody had been undercover for fifteen days. Fifteen days she had shared an apartment, and a bedroom, with someone she had been working with for nearly two years. Right now though she was struggling at the feeling of not being herself. She hated that, and she needed him, or anyone, to just call her by her own name, and let her be herself for a while. "Look, can you just call me Merri or Meredith or Brody for five minutes." She shouted at the only other person in the room, and Pride clearly realised she was close to breaking.

"I'm not supposed to." He muttered, and laughed looking at her seriously, she almost couldn't deal with the fact that he was laughing right now. She was too annoyed right now to find any of this funny. She wanted to go home, but until this was over, she couldn't.

"I know but I can't do this much longer without retaining some of who I am." She just didn't feel like herself. Some people loved doing this. Percy would have been much better at this. But Percy wouldn't fit this, and that meant she had to do it. Even though she hated being undercover, and hadn't done it since the early days of her career.

"You're ready to go home?" Pride asked and smiled. She couldn't really keep going like this because she really needed more than this.

"I've love not being at work, but yes. I know we're nearly there, and I know that things will be over soon. I just need to be me. Not Sandy." He reached out for her shoulders, but she shrugged him off. She didn't want to be comforted or supported. She just wanted to feel like her. "No, no. Just. For five damn minutes I want to be Meredith Brody. Then I'll be Sandy again."

"Hey, come here." What possessed her in that moment to move closer to him she'd probably never know, and what possessed him was even more of a mystery. As he pulled her into his arms she leant up to kiss his cheek, instead she'd ended up kissing him full on the lips, but after barely a beat had passed he was returning her kiss.

They had been warned about things like this happening on long assignments, the constant company and the little personal space pushed people to either hate each other or sleep together, working together every day in the office hadn't prepared her for being with him every day. She was teetering on the edge of both hating him and jumping him. The apartment they had called home for the last several days was comfortable, and she had her room where she could escape to, but that wasn't the same.

As his lips left hers and started along her chin she realised that this was probably inevitable. The tension had been growing between the two of them for weeks. Long before this assignment had started. "Do you think we should be doing this?" She asked, wondering if he was thinking about this situation the same as she was.

"I do." He grinned, and pulled her into him, kissing him as hard as she could she slid her hands into the back pockets of his jeans. She smiled, remembering that she'd enjoyed watching his ass when they were working, now she got to feel it too."

The knowledge that their friend was in the room below them was the only thing that kept her quiet as his hand slipped below the waistband on her jeans. Gods, how long had it been since she'd done anything like this. A year, easily, since James had left. She had almost forgotten how this felt. His hand slipped further between them, stroking over her clit and dipping further.

Biting her lip was the only way she'd get through this without making too much noise, as he dipped one finger inside her, then another she made a keening noise and leant forward, placing a bite on his neck. He kept stroking her gently, building up the intensity slowly. She reached out to pull him closer, kissing him as she did. It was then that he withdrew his fingers and moved the two of them into somewhere a little more private, the closet next to where they'd just been standing.

She pushed her pants down quickly once they were in there, and then reached out to undo his belt, pulling him out a second later. She didn't have to say anything for him to move between her legs and slide himself inside her. She hadn't expected to feel as full as she did, and when he started moving it was obvious he knew what he was doing.

The moment he brought her to the top she was just relieved, and she felt him follow her over. She was relieved as well that part of her cover included her being on the pill. That was probably something they included after too many of these situations had happened. She wasn't even ashamed, she just felt okay again. Like she could cope with everything again.

"Feeling better?" He said heavily with a smirk a moment later, still fighting to get his breath back the same as she was. Maybe it hadn't been the earth moving, all shattering thing she'd once been described, but it had been what she needed. The high from activity like this, with someone she found attractive, was enough to ground her again.

"Yeah, thanks." She knew he wouldn't take offence to that, and she wondered if he'd needed that release, that moment of human connection as much as she had. Being undercover had a way of forcing you to disconnect from humanity. You had to totally become a character. Even actors didn't have to play their characters 24/7 for months. It was no surprise this was a common side-effect of their job.

Quick relief, that's all this had been, and it had clearly been the right course of action. He stepped back a moment later then tenderly kissed her forehead. That had been his way of greeting her since this all began. "Good, we should get ready for this thing tonight." That was when she remembered they had to go out tonight.

"Ben?" She asked as he started to move away a little more. They both clearly needed the space to be able to think about what had happened.

"Yeah?" She reached down and pulled her pants up, grinning as Pride did his too. He was clearly confused about what she was going to say, but all she could really think about was that she'd asked for five minutes, and they'd been in here for half an hour.

"That was longer than five minutes." She smirked, stopping him from turning away. He smiled back at her, and she felt like she was in touch with herself again. It made it easier to slip back into the role of Sandy. Tonight's party was important, and it could be the break in this case they needed. Then, maybe, she and Pride could think about something permanent.


End file.
